Love vs. Infatuation

Love love love! It's such a nice feeling to be in love. We hope to remain in love with the person we are with. But have you ever wondered if what you're feeling for that person is true love or just a fleeting emotions that once it's gratified or satisfied, the feeling fades. I'm sure many of you have asked a lot of times how can we tell if what we're feeling is real love or just infatuation. It's often a mystery that two person, with obvious differences, have remained together for years and years and years. We also somehow wonder to when two people, perfect for each other with a lot of aspects, end up apart. A lot of people made sacrifices for the other just to show their love but after months, the break up. So I came upon an article I read not so long ago about love versus infatuation. I thought I'd share it to give you insight about the difference between the two. I don't know who the author was but I think he or she made it clear on how to distinguish these two different feelings. Here it is:

     Infatuation is instant desire. Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.
     Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you--to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. But near or far, you know he is yours and you know you can wait until he returns.
     Infatuations says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with confidence." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another's company you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
     Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away you wonder if he's cheating. Sometimes you check up on him. Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels you your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to things you'll regret later, but love never will.
     Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

Love advices from the experienced

Love is in the air! I read Facebook shout outs like "Will you be my Valentine?" or "I hope someone will give me flowers this Valentine's date" or the more desperate ones "I need a date ASAP!"  Indeed, with the Day of Hearts just around the corner, people are going crazy over love, whether they're love full or love less. :) With that in mind, I just thought I'd write a blog about the love advices I've gotten from people, though they're not professional love gurus, but they have experiences when it comes to the love department that can be really useful.  These advices became very helpful to me when I was still pretty much available in the dating scene.  I'm happily married now so I guess they were very effective.  These counsels that I will share to you came from different people I've met all through out my life.  They come from friends, acquaintances, and even from my own family.  Because they are so many of them I'll just list down everything I can remember.  So the list will come in random order which means there's no best or worst advice.  Of course, I'm going to save the best of the best for last. :) 

These advices are applicable to women as they were given to a woman but the men are pretty much welcome to take on these advices.  After all we have different preferences.  I hope that in some way or another, these will become useful.  After all, love is such a big investment and we want to make things work.  We don't want waste our emotions on somebody that isn't worth it all, right? So I hope this can be a big help to you.   Enjoy!

First is you marry whom you date.  This was shared to me by a close friend which was also given to her by a common friend of ours.  It is quite understandable.  The type person whom you date is pretty much likely will be the one you will marry.  When you date a person, you get to know him or her a little bit more.   You find out that he or she has qualities that you like or is looking for.  As you get to know him or her, you develop feelings.  That feeling will grow into a romantic one.  It'll grow like a chain until it becomes hard to break off from the relationship.  So if you want to marry someone who has these qualities or that, then date some one who possess those.  If you don't want to marry a drunk or someone who doesn't respect you then don't date him because chances are he is most likely the one whom you will marry.  I've been careful with that.  I used to date losers but that changed my perspective.  I married a guy who is totally different from the ones I used to date.  He's not the perfect but I must say he is a winner.

The second advice I'm going to give is from someone whom I met and taught when I was on my mission.  He's a father with a lot of experience with women.  He gave us, me and my companion, not only one but two advices. And I'm going to share it.  He said, "Find and a marry a man that treats his mother like a queen because it is most likely that he will treat you like one too."  I'm pretty sure he didn't mean a mama's boy.  The way I understood it, what he meant is that look for a man who loves, respects, and cares for his mother a lot...like a whole lot.  A man who does that understands the value and importance of women enough to treat them like such.  If he does those there is no room for cruelty, disrespect, and abuse.  

The third one is, coming from the same person, is that look for a man who's not crazy over women too much. Huh? You mean gay?  Of course not!  We don't want a guy who has two gender preferences or prefers his own gender. What I'm trying to say is that we all know that the real men's number one weakness are women  That's okay and we like that.  We like straight men.  The problem is if when they can't control that weakness.  I mean we sure don't want a man who runs after every attractive female who walks by, do we?  So of course we want a guy who is a one-woman man.  We want them to be loyal and faithful to us.  But it's hard for a guy to stick to one if he wants to have every attractive women he sees.  I think the now 60-plus year old father who gave me that fatherly advice based it on his own experience.  He likes women so much that he even gave up his priest-dom because of women.  Fortunately, now he's sticking to one and he's satisfied.  The same counsel can also be applied to the men.  Look for a woman who can stick to one guy in a relationship than two at the same time.

The fourth one is for the girls.  Always listen to your father's opinion about the guy you're dating.  Like the mother, I believe that fathers have intuitions too.  They can tell or feel what kind of a man he is.  This advice came from my mission companion who was told by her father that the guy she was dating was not worth the effort.  It turned out he was right.  Unfortunately, she invested too much emotion into the relationship that it was heartbreaking in the end.  So girls pay attention to what you're dad is trying to say.  If you're young and he says you're too young to date he's probably right.  If you're a young adult and you're dating a guy with this and that, a job or something, and you're dad says, "I don't like him because he's this and that."  He's probably right.  You might want to study your guy a little bit more and pay attention to cues or body signals.  We had a helper--may she rest in peace-- three years ago who had a daughter in her early twenties who was dating a security guard.  They were like a family to us (we always treat our helpers like one) and her daughter and her guy always meet up at our house. My dad met him and there was only one advice he gave her.  He told her not to surrender her "flag."  He meant chastity.  To make the story short.  She didn't listen; she got pregnant; they wanted to get married but couldn't.  It turned out that the guy was already married, and she was the third or fourth affair the whole time.  See? Wondered what my dad thinks of my husband while we were dating?  He said, "He's smart."  And that's the only positive comment I've heard from him about a guy.  The rest were like, "You're kids are going to be milk chocolate," "You're going to have chinky-eyed kids," or "He's not worth it."  It's not that they will choose whom you date.  You still have the freedom but what I'm trying to say is never underestimate a father's intuition.

Fifth is marry your best friend or good friend for that matter.  In other words, friends make the best couple.  But before jumping into such a risky relationship, think long and hard before doing so.  Evaluate how you truly feel for that person and be ready to act upon it.  This may not work for some but I've seen a lot of friends turned to couples and they ended up tying the knot.  I can see in their eyes the joy they felt for having fallen in love with their best friends and how glad they are for making that choice.  As for me, I married a good friend of mine.  We just fell in love naturally making it less awkward when we started dating and courting.  It was like continuing our relationship only it was taken to the next level.  We hang out like friends, love like lovers do, and fought like cats and dogs.  :)   

The sixth advice I'm going to share and this one is coming from my mom.  This is the best.  She gave this to me a long time ago.  Long before I was interested in guys.  When I was too young to date that is.  This is what she said, "Look for someone (in my case a guy) who loves you more than you love him because no matter where you are or how far you will go, he will come find you."  Hmmm...this reminds me of their love story.  Anyway, if guy truly loves a woman, he will do everything and anything to be with her.  I hope not anything morbid, weird, or scary like stalking you or something.  But I hope that it's something like crossing the deepest ocean or breaking barriers just for you.  I'm talking like a gentleman would do for his lady.  In a traditional sense, it's something like fetch pails of water for your family, win the approval of your family, wait for you, risk everything for you, and most especially do all his best just for you.  Romantic isn't it? Or does it seem too good to be true?  It's up to you to decide.  I'm grateful that my Mom shared that me.  It made me open my eyes while choosing for a mate and companion.

I love to hear stories of people and whenever I can I always ask them to tell their love stories.  They're real stories experienced by real people and they all have a common theme.  That is love will make you do anything just for that person.  Proving your love to that person doesn't only end at the moment you said "Yes!"  It's a continuous process and as your love deepens it's only natural that you would want to do anything for that special someone to make her or him happy.  

These are just advices based from other people's experiences.   It's really up to you to follow it or not. I'm just grateful to have ever received those because they have made a big difference in my decisions.  I hope this one too in yours.   

Happy Valentine's day Everyone!

Why blog?

Why blog? Perhaps one would ask me:  Is it that you want to make money? Become a famous blogger? Follow a popular trend?  I think yes would be the answer if I have those in my mind but the truth is no.  I'd like the idea of making money writing blogs but it's not it.

I have my reasons of why I want to write a blog.  So why would I want to start a blog?  Hmm...Okay, for those who don't know or know slightly about me, I'm a pretty transparent person.  One can easily tell when I'm in a good mood or I'm annoyed.  One can even tell if I'm lying or just pretending to like, for instance, the dinner casserole being served on the table by the way I look at it.  Really, I am so poor at masking my truest feelings that people, especially those who barely know the real me, are offended.  It wouldn't surprise when the next time we meet I get a raised eyebrow with that I-don't-want-to-talk-with-you or stay-away-from-me look.   I try to be gracious and all that but I fail all the time.  So what's that got to do with blogging?  Well, I'm hoping that this could change things. I mean with having a space to expressly write what's on my mind may be that will help in a way.  I'll just say, "Control yourself.  Just do it on your blog the minute you get home."  :)

Have you ever experienced that awkward moment when you participate in a conversation by speaking up and then have everyone roll their eyeballs and not follow through with what you just said and then continue?  That has happened to me a lot of times.  It's embarrassing and it's really awkward.  I'm not the most intelligent person in the planet but I am also not the type of person who just talk about nonsensical stuff.  So I'm usually opinionated. Others may not like it but what can I do?  I'm just enjoying my rights of freedom of expression.  So to avoid those awkward moments, writing a blog is a good way of voicing out or venting my points of view.  If nobody reads it that's okay as long as I got it out of my system then I wouldn't have to deal with it.

Third, I have this tendency to talk all by myself.   Not when I'm in public, though.  That would be just really weird.  They'll probably call the mental asylum to pick me up in no time.  Really, I talk to myself all the time especially in my room and I like it.  It doesn't mean that I'm in a verge of insanity but rather it's thinking out loud to clear my mind.  Like this morning, I just found myself talking to myself.   I just felt like doing it.  So it got me thinking, that maybe I should start a blog so that whenever I found myself talking to my inner me then I can just type it all up.  You see, I have a very vivid and even a crazy imagination.  Sometimes I even pretend that I'm this character that I have formed in my  mind and make up scripts of what the character will say.  Most of the time, I can come up with interesting, intelligent, witty phrase to say, then I'd tell myself I'm going to write that.  But it never happened because I forgot all about it.  Anyway, that is also one of the reasons why I want to start a blog. 

There is no particular topic that I want to focus on when I write.  I just want a space where I can put into writing what I have in mind.  I think that this is like hitting two birds in one stone.  I express my ideas, improve my writing skills, and gain the confidence to write knowing that people might read it.  So, it's not just two birds but three birds in one stone.